Each day i wake up with only one thought. That one seed of thought has flourished so much that it keeps me occupied for minutes to hours together. Its been 15 months now and still it seems as if its yesterday.I tend to live in a dream world wherin i am a company of myself and my loved ones are there in it with me. This belief this time is so strong that it doesnt die how much ever i try. Despite not even really knowing what the other person thinks or wants. He is already in a different world, living his life each day as he wants. maybe sometimes getting caught up between emotions but more or less balanced due to the knowledge that u have people who love u to the core. i never had even in my dreams thought of this life. smwhr i can now relate to my past, how the other person had felt whn he wanted me so badly n i was caught up in emotions. Truly what goes around comes back around.
each day i question myself so do u want to deal in real world or do u still want to carry on in ur dream world? the logical me says come back n forget feelings n connect , let others leave in peace. The crazy one who follows the heart says, no dont give up, this is one emotion which u feel so strongly for and for the first time, despite not even knowing whats in it for me in future , i m waiting, m risking everything, my time, emotions , energy. still that few mins of talk or one msg lifts me up like no one can do that. what is it? some weird sort of connection. i used to strongly believe in the word love. now i seem to have lost the meaning of it. I dnt wanna name what i feel. let it be just a beautiful connect,pure and strong. let me not corrupt it with the love word.
The secret says, believe in what you want and leave the rest to the universe. I have been following it in my professional life and by god's grace i m seeing the results. so i have thought of it, why not take a chance. so i believe in what i want and i believe in this connect. Rest all i have left to the universe.
The dilemma comes when u dunt know what r u actually banking on? just a strong belief of the heart? cuz the other one doesnt even say what he really truly feels, maybe he is deeply connected to his current life , but maybe he just doesnt want to hurt me n so he is playing along. if thats the case i m in for a big trouble in future. underplaying the current life, which prolly he is enjoying and of course why shdnt he, he has made this choice.. but that so badly pinches me. eventually my REBT doesnt work here. Thanks to the ex that he taught me how to use REBT in normal life, but here it doesnt work. I try to keep myself calm n composed, nothing is in my hands except to what i feel. I cant force anyone to feel something or do something about it. but yes it does hurt a lot each day, to know that u r alone each day waiting for some miracle to happen , but the other one is having his time of life wth someone he has chosen and loves n is being loved.
then why do i wait ? if it bothers me so much, why dont i go out n be with others ? why? it just doesnt seem right, meeting new people. something says this is right.
As the day turns into night
I lay awake waiting for that light
you are there with me each minute,
yet i feel so empty without you,
i m like that parched earth
waiting for the first drop of rain
each day staring at the clouds
praying that they dont get carried away
for that moment i wait,
when i shall be kissed by the rains
for then i shall hold u forever
just like the water seeps in through the earth
The world would be happier, birds chirpier
grass greener and i calmer ..
Wait , oh i wait for u.
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