Each day i wake up with only one thought. That one seed of thought has flourished so much that it keeps me occupied for minutes to hours together. Its been 15 months now and still it seems as if its yesterday.I tend to live in a dream world wherin i am a company of myself and my loved ones are there in it with me. This belief this time is so strong that it doesnt die how much ever i try. Despite not even really knowing what the other person thinks or wants. He is already in a different world, living his life each day as he wants. maybe sometimes getting caught up between emotions but more or less balanced due to the knowledge that u have people who love u to the core. i never had even in my dreams thought of this life. smwhr i can now relate to my past, how the other person had felt whn he wanted me so badly n i was caught up in emotions. Truly what goes around comes back around.
each day i question myself so do u want to deal in real world or do u still want to carry on in ur dream world? the logical me says come back n forget feelings n connect , let others leave in peace. The crazy one who follows the heart says, no dont give up, this is one emotion which u feel so strongly for and for the first time, despite not even knowing whats in it for me in future , i m waiting, m risking everything, my time, emotions , energy. still that few mins of talk or one msg lifts me up like no one can do that. what is it? some weird sort of connection. i used to strongly believe in the word love. now i seem to have lost the meaning of it. I dnt wanna name what i feel. let it be just a beautiful connect,pure and strong. let me not corrupt it with the love word.
The secret says, believe in what you want and leave the rest to the universe. I have been following it in my professional life and by god's grace i m seeing the results. so i have thought of it, why not take a chance. so i believe in what i want and i believe in this connect. Rest all i have left to the universe.
The dilemma comes when u dunt know what r u actually banking on? just a strong belief of the heart? cuz the other one doesnt even say what he really truly feels, maybe he is deeply connected to his current life , but maybe he just doesnt want to hurt me n so he is playing along. if thats the case i m in for a big trouble in future. underplaying the current life, which prolly he is enjoying and of course why shdnt he, he has made this choice.. but that so badly pinches me. eventually my REBT doesnt work here. Thanks to the ex that he taught me how to use REBT in normal life, but here it doesnt work. I try to keep myself calm n composed, nothing is in my hands except to what i feel. I cant force anyone to feel something or do something about it. but yes it does hurt a lot each day, to know that u r alone each day waiting for some miracle to happen , but the other one is having his time of life wth someone he has chosen and loves n is being loved.
then why do i wait ? if it bothers me so much, why dont i go out n be with others ? why? it just doesnt seem right, meeting new people. something says this is right.
As the day turns into night
I lay awake waiting for that light
you are there with me each minute,
yet i feel so empty without you,
i m like that parched earth
waiting for the first drop of rain
each day staring at the clouds
praying that they dont get carried away
for that moment i wait,
when i shall be kissed by the rains
for then i shall hold u forever
just like the water seeps in through the earth
The world would be happier, birds chirpier
grass greener and i calmer ..
Wait , oh i wait for u.
Showing posts with label rains. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rains. Show all posts
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Choice
As i sit here thinking of wot to jot down, my mind drifts between the choices. The sheer bombardment of choices that are thrown in our faces from the mundane stuff in life to the most important issues. When i wake up in the morning , i have a choice of what kind of tooth paste do i use, pepsodent (germicheck) or colgate ( brand since childhood )to a choice of shower gel : Body shop wild passion or vanilla to whether i wd wanna drink tea / coffee , go to work by auto or get me dropped ...
Its been quite some time since i have been doing this introspection n i have realised the more choices we get, the more confused, impatient,unfaithful we get...Is it the choices that I m bothered with ? In a way i m glad that i have so many options to choose from. Confused or selective - I would now prefer to use the word selective for myself. I took about 2 months between the 1st draft and the remainder to sort out this. I am like a free spirit who needs variety in the most basic things of life also. Variety brings the spice in life - now I know. I dont have particular favourites in any areas, be it products, fashion, movies, songs, people, seasons... I love them all, depending on my mood that day :)
Seasons reminds me, its raining outside so beautifully.. earth is longing to be drenched in the rains from the sky , its like sky is spreading its arms and loving the earth . earth knows no limits and starts dancing through its greens , everything becomes happy , sparkling clean and blissfully beautiful. Its my favorite season. I guess again.. Rains, lush greens,music, tea in the balcony, corn on the streets, gazing at the water bodies, dancing and splashing water in puddles ... Running through water. Crazinessss gets into me. I get happy for no reason, just watching a bright yellow flower dancing on the green trees makes me go gaga :)
But yet again i have the same fancy for winters and summers toooo. Winters bring with them the much sought after pleasant climate in the much heated city of Ahmedabad. Starts the much awaited months of some amazing theatre plays at Natrani, rock concerts , coffeess at open cafes, holidays , weddings, NRI friends visits, parties , colorful sweaters and shawls, pav bhaji, gajar ka halwa ...ummmm yum yum , everything hot in cold weather , food, drinks n maybe a winter fling > ? ( Unlike western countries where Summer romances are awaited , here winters is the best season to meet new people, how ? Frens n their frens n their frens ...Dont get the brain racing , i m yet to explore that !!)
Lets forget the spring cuz we dont really experience that but summer , sweet summer comes with the scents of mango , sugarcane juice,colorful golas, again vacations, Movie time, :) I just realised i think i get lot of pleasure from food, season ,parties and people.. Very human, aint it ? :P
The blog is aptly named choice when i read from top to bottom, choice of following one topic or writing randomly, anything which comes to my mind .. And thats what i did, again followed my 2 voices in the head :)))
Its been quite some time since i have been doing this introspection n i have realised the more choices we get, the more confused, impatient,unfaithful we get...Is it the choices that I m bothered with ? In a way i m glad that i have so many options to choose from. Confused or selective - I would now prefer to use the word selective for myself. I took about 2 months between the 1st draft and the remainder to sort out this. I am like a free spirit who needs variety in the most basic things of life also. Variety brings the spice in life - now I know. I dont have particular favourites in any areas, be it products, fashion, movies, songs, people, seasons... I love them all, depending on my mood that day :)
Seasons reminds me, its raining outside so beautifully.. earth is longing to be drenched in the rains from the sky , its like sky is spreading its arms and loving the earth . earth knows no limits and starts dancing through its greens , everything becomes happy , sparkling clean and blissfully beautiful. Its my favorite season. I guess again.. Rains, lush greens,music, tea in the balcony, corn on the streets, gazing at the water bodies, dancing and splashing water in puddles ... Running through water. Crazinessss gets into me. I get happy for no reason, just watching a bright yellow flower dancing on the green trees makes me go gaga :)
But yet again i have the same fancy for winters and summers toooo. Winters bring with them the much sought after pleasant climate in the much heated city of Ahmedabad. Starts the much awaited months of some amazing theatre plays at Natrani, rock concerts , coffeess at open cafes, holidays , weddings, NRI friends visits, parties , colorful sweaters and shawls, pav bhaji, gajar ka halwa ...ummmm yum yum , everything hot in cold weather , food, drinks n maybe a winter fling > ? ( Unlike western countries where Summer romances are awaited , here winters is the best season to meet new people, how ? Frens n their frens n their frens ...Dont get the brain racing , i m yet to explore that !!)
Lets forget the spring cuz we dont really experience that but summer , sweet summer comes with the scents of mango , sugarcane juice,colorful golas, again vacations, Movie time, :) I just realised i think i get lot of pleasure from food, season ,parties and people.. Very human, aint it ? :P
The blog is aptly named choice when i read from top to bottom, choice of following one topic or writing randomly, anything which comes to my mind .. And thats what i did, again followed my 2 voices in the head :)))
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