I dream of u each day
Its as if we were never apart
r u really the same that i dream of u
or r u a figment of my imagination?
Its not as if we have spent days together
yet it seems a lifetime of connect
A part of me stays with u each minute of each day
i m losing myself
in the maze of what is real n what is not.
i dream to wake up with u,
to feel ur arms around me
welcoming the bright sunshine
cocooned into u.
i dream to see ur first smile of the day,
to see u dance to happines
I dream to sit with u,
hands intertwined
staring at the horizon
feeling sure that just as the sky covers the earth
u shall be covering me up every day of my life,
Oh the comfort to speak anything and everything
knowledge that u wouldnt judge me
keep only what is required
and shove the rest away
I dream of this phase
Will this all ever happen in reality
or r u just a figment of my imagination
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Sunday, August 7, 2011
New beginning
Relief , utter relief is what i feel. Its as if some heavy weight has been lifted off from my shoulders and i m given another chance to make my life. To learn new things, to enjoi each day and create memories. Dance is something which i love so much and it has been always a dream since childhood to dance like a pro. Yes i do intend to achieve it one day, but for that I m gonna be beginning from tomorrow, a small step :)
Shit loads to do -
- Dancing
- gym
- Swimming
- Candle making
- music downloads
- Travel
- reading
- writing
- Sketching
I have so much to accomplish. some people think it is because i m running away , away from the fact that i stay alone and i crave for company. So all i do is keep myself superbusy and not feel that pang of lonileness. Yes it might be true, but so what, atleast I m not sitting and sulking , crying over the uncontrollable. Atleast I m living with my head held high :)
The song goes perfect with the moment:
yves larock- My dream is to fly over the rainbow, so high :P
So while i bask in the list of to do activities, u guys can do some more of ur work or wotever shit that u r doing :)
Keep reading for better blogs on my 2 state of mind :)
Shit loads to do -
- Dancing
- gym
- Swimming
- Candle making
- music downloads
- Travel
- reading
- writing
- Sketching
I have so much to accomplish. some people think it is because i m running away , away from the fact that i stay alone and i crave for company. So all i do is keep myself superbusy and not feel that pang of lonileness. Yes it might be true, but so what, atleast I m not sitting and sulking , crying over the uncontrollable. Atleast I m living with my head held high :)
The song goes perfect with the moment:
yves larock- My dream is to fly over the rainbow, so high :P
So while i bask in the list of to do activities, u guys can do some more of ur work or wotever shit that u r doing :)
Keep reading for better blogs on my 2 state of mind :)
Friday, July 22, 2011
My bucket list
Okay now lets leave aside this crazy wait aside for sometime and focus on what all is left to do ... yay :P
Things to do before i say tadaa to this world :__
1) First take formal training in one dance form
2) Learn guitar
3) Learn swimming properly --- ( I have crazy dreams of getting drowned in water whenever i have dilemma in my life n a dream reader has justified its logic that whenever i feel dilemma in life i see water )
4)Get the sexiest SLR and go on beserk clickn trip
5)Travel backpacking in the buses in the most primal way and experience cultures of interiors of India. go there , meet people, pick up something from them could be anything , talks, culture, art, or just a smile .. ohh why did i forget the food :P
6)The comfort conscious me now wants to experience some reallll luxury , so a stay in Lake palace :)
7)Travel to following countries in this order ( ok i can change the order depending on my mood )
- Greece
- Scotland
-Ireland
-UK
- Italy
- Spain
- Maldives
- Mauritius
- Bali
- USA ( My patel blood does tick n itch )
- Mexico
- Dubai
- Australia
- New zealand
- Japan
- Korea
- Russia
- Egypt
- Turkey
- Africa
- Once again China, HK, Thailand, malaysia, singapore, vietnam, nepal
8) party at the bestest places : amsterdam, Ibiza, rio, thailand's full moon party, vegas, russia's nude resort,
9) Shop in paris, london, new york, HK, Tokyo and hello not just small boutique but real high end :P
10)Go on my honeymoon for 1 full month, doing nuthing but just relaxing ( ok for sometime ) to beach place .. i love the blue lagoon location ..
11)Take my label to bigger heights, starting from lakme fashion week and further to international scene
12)Get a portfolio shoot from the best photographer ( Yes i love myself a lot )
13)go visit a cheese factory and eat lots from there itself, i m told switzerland has lot of those
14)go to a winery n stay there making it for few days and drinking as well, though i dnt like it much, but heck i can develop the taste
15)If i ever get a chance to go in the dream world, i would wanna be in it with all characters around me-- rapunzel,prince, snow white, nemo, kungfu panda, little chicken, piglet, tom and jerry :)
16) do voice over sometime in life
17) able to cook a proper 7 course meal !!!!
18) look as thin as Anne hathaway :)
19) Have a sexy red ferrari and drive real real real fasttttt!!
20) Do all water sports, go scuba diving and touch corals n reefs, do sky diving, bungee jumping, river rafting !!
It covers basically all my love for travel, clicks, partying, fashion, food, adventure and life itself :)
So life before u take me away , lemme embrace u as beautifully as i can. Please tell ur friend luck to be with me all along...
Things to do before i say tadaa to this world :__
1) First take formal training in one dance form
2) Learn guitar
3) Learn swimming properly --- ( I have crazy dreams of getting drowned in water whenever i have dilemma in my life n a dream reader has justified its logic that whenever i feel dilemma in life i see water )
4)Get the sexiest SLR and go on beserk clickn trip
5)Travel backpacking in the buses in the most primal way and experience cultures of interiors of India. go there , meet people, pick up something from them could be anything , talks, culture, art, or just a smile .. ohh why did i forget the food :P
6)The comfort conscious me now wants to experience some reallll luxury , so a stay in Lake palace :)
7)Travel to following countries in this order ( ok i can change the order depending on my mood )
- Greece
- Scotland
-Ireland
-UK
- Italy
- Spain
- Maldives
- Mauritius
- Bali
- USA ( My patel blood does tick n itch )
- Mexico
- Dubai
- Australia
- New zealand
- Japan
- Korea
- Russia
- Egypt
- Turkey
- Africa
- Once again China, HK, Thailand, malaysia, singapore, vietnam, nepal
8) party at the bestest places : amsterdam, Ibiza, rio, thailand's full moon party, vegas, russia's nude resort,
9) Shop in paris, london, new york, HK, Tokyo and hello not just small boutique but real high end :P
10)Go on my honeymoon for 1 full month, doing nuthing but just relaxing ( ok for sometime ) to beach place .. i love the blue lagoon location ..
11)Take my label to bigger heights, starting from lakme fashion week and further to international scene
12)Get a portfolio shoot from the best photographer ( Yes i love myself a lot )
13)go visit a cheese factory and eat lots from there itself, i m told switzerland has lot of those
14)go to a winery n stay there making it for few days and drinking as well, though i dnt like it much, but heck i can develop the taste
15)If i ever get a chance to go in the dream world, i would wanna be in it with all characters around me-- rapunzel,prince, snow white, nemo, kungfu panda, little chicken, piglet, tom and jerry :)
16) do voice over sometime in life
17) able to cook a proper 7 course meal !!!!
18) look as thin as Anne hathaway :)
19) Have a sexy red ferrari and drive real real real fasttttt!!
20) Do all water sports, go scuba diving and touch corals n reefs, do sky diving, bungee jumping, river rafting !!
It covers basically all my love for travel, clicks, partying, fashion, food, adventure and life itself :)
So life before u take me away , lemme embrace u as beautifully as i can. Please tell ur friend luck to be with me all along...
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Let it rain now
Each day i wake up with only one thought. That one seed of thought has flourished so much that it keeps me occupied for minutes to hours together. Its been 15 months now and still it seems as if its yesterday.I tend to live in a dream world wherin i am a company of myself and my loved ones are there in it with me. This belief this time is so strong that it doesnt die how much ever i try. Despite not even really knowing what the other person thinks or wants. He is already in a different world, living his life each day as he wants. maybe sometimes getting caught up between emotions but more or less balanced due to the knowledge that u have people who love u to the core. i never had even in my dreams thought of this life. smwhr i can now relate to my past, how the other person had felt whn he wanted me so badly n i was caught up in emotions. Truly what goes around comes back around.
each day i question myself so do u want to deal in real world or do u still want to carry on in ur dream world? the logical me says come back n forget feelings n connect , let others leave in peace. The crazy one who follows the heart says, no dont give up, this is one emotion which u feel so strongly for and for the first time, despite not even knowing whats in it for me in future , i m waiting, m risking everything, my time, emotions , energy. still that few mins of talk or one msg lifts me up like no one can do that. what is it? some weird sort of connection. i used to strongly believe in the word love. now i seem to have lost the meaning of it. I dnt wanna name what i feel. let it be just a beautiful connect,pure and strong. let me not corrupt it with the love word.
The secret says, believe in what you want and leave the rest to the universe. I have been following it in my professional life and by god's grace i m seeing the results. so i have thought of it, why not take a chance. so i believe in what i want and i believe in this connect. Rest all i have left to the universe.
The dilemma comes when u dunt know what r u actually banking on? just a strong belief of the heart? cuz the other one doesnt even say what he really truly feels, maybe he is deeply connected to his current life , but maybe he just doesnt want to hurt me n so he is playing along. if thats the case i m in for a big trouble in future. underplaying the current life, which prolly he is enjoying and of course why shdnt he, he has made this choice.. but that so badly pinches me. eventually my REBT doesnt work here. Thanks to the ex that he taught me how to use REBT in normal life, but here it doesnt work. I try to keep myself calm n composed, nothing is in my hands except to what i feel. I cant force anyone to feel something or do something about it. but yes it does hurt a lot each day, to know that u r alone each day waiting for some miracle to happen , but the other one is having his time of life wth someone he has chosen and loves n is being loved.
then why do i wait ? if it bothers me so much, why dont i go out n be with others ? why? it just doesnt seem right, meeting new people. something says this is right.
As the day turns into night
I lay awake waiting for that light
you are there with me each minute,
yet i feel so empty without you,
i m like that parched earth
waiting for the first drop of rain
each day staring at the clouds
praying that they dont get carried away
for that moment i wait,
when i shall be kissed by the rains
for then i shall hold u forever
just like the water seeps in through the earth
The world would be happier, birds chirpier
grass greener and i calmer ..
Wait , oh i wait for u.
each day i question myself so do u want to deal in real world or do u still want to carry on in ur dream world? the logical me says come back n forget feelings n connect , let others leave in peace. The crazy one who follows the heart says, no dont give up, this is one emotion which u feel so strongly for and for the first time, despite not even knowing whats in it for me in future , i m waiting, m risking everything, my time, emotions , energy. still that few mins of talk or one msg lifts me up like no one can do that. what is it? some weird sort of connection. i used to strongly believe in the word love. now i seem to have lost the meaning of it. I dnt wanna name what i feel. let it be just a beautiful connect,pure and strong. let me not corrupt it with the love word.
The secret says, believe in what you want and leave the rest to the universe. I have been following it in my professional life and by god's grace i m seeing the results. so i have thought of it, why not take a chance. so i believe in what i want and i believe in this connect. Rest all i have left to the universe.
The dilemma comes when u dunt know what r u actually banking on? just a strong belief of the heart? cuz the other one doesnt even say what he really truly feels, maybe he is deeply connected to his current life , but maybe he just doesnt want to hurt me n so he is playing along. if thats the case i m in for a big trouble in future. underplaying the current life, which prolly he is enjoying and of course why shdnt he, he has made this choice.. but that so badly pinches me. eventually my REBT doesnt work here. Thanks to the ex that he taught me how to use REBT in normal life, but here it doesnt work. I try to keep myself calm n composed, nothing is in my hands except to what i feel. I cant force anyone to feel something or do something about it. but yes it does hurt a lot each day, to know that u r alone each day waiting for some miracle to happen , but the other one is having his time of life wth someone he has chosen and loves n is being loved.
then why do i wait ? if it bothers me so much, why dont i go out n be with others ? why? it just doesnt seem right, meeting new people. something says this is right.
As the day turns into night
I lay awake waiting for that light
you are there with me each minute,
yet i feel so empty without you,
i m like that parched earth
waiting for the first drop of rain
each day staring at the clouds
praying that they dont get carried away
for that moment i wait,
when i shall be kissed by the rains
for then i shall hold u forever
just like the water seeps in through the earth
The world would be happier, birds chirpier
grass greener and i calmer ..
Wait , oh i wait for u.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Life altering days
Writing takes my mind off other things. Its been almost 6 years that I have been writing. It is a form of emotional vent out to me, the things i wouldnt dare utter is what i write down to keep me sane and organised. The journals have been filled , saved and eventually in the moment of fury burnt off as well.I started maintaining happy journals too but that journey didnt take off too well. Its the most prettiest book I have been gifted to write in , but somehow havent ever been able to write in it.
There are days when something life altering happens to you. Guess today is one of those days. Never in my life did i ever think something like this would ever happen. People whom u trust so much , when they break ur trust what do u do? Am i like a different soul stuck smwhere in a diffn world ? Have i evolved too much. Forgiveness comes very naturally to me but in this case its too much. My brain cant comprehend something like this happening. It proves all bullshit of trust wrong.
What would be my reaction? fight or flight ?
Fight it is for sure this time.I have had enough being sweet , I dont want to be one anymore. Some people really need to be shown who really they are. Even if it means absolving that relation forever from my life. Cus it aint worth it if i get treated this way.
More on this later < i need to sort it out first asap...
There are days when something life altering happens to you. Guess today is one of those days. Never in my life did i ever think something like this would ever happen. People whom u trust so much , when they break ur trust what do u do? Am i like a different soul stuck smwhere in a diffn world ? Have i evolved too much. Forgiveness comes very naturally to me but in this case its too much. My brain cant comprehend something like this happening. It proves all bullshit of trust wrong.
What would be my reaction? fight or flight ?
Fight it is for sure this time.I have had enough being sweet , I dont want to be one anymore. Some people really need to be shown who really they are. Even if it means absolving that relation forever from my life. Cus it aint worth it if i get treated this way.
More on this later < i need to sort it out first asap...
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
WAIT is what i AWAIT
Waiting is the worst feeling all of us have had. Be it waiting for that dreaded exams result or waiting for the phone to ring for job confirmation or waiting for the loved one's call or waiting for the bill to be paid...Each has a different feeling associated to it. Where at one moment u r expecting something really good to happen n afraid that it might not materialise and at the other time waiting for that dreaded momemnt to just pass away so that good times begin.. Phew I have experienced it time and again..
Lately Me n waiting have got synonymous.
I wish i could get rid off this feeling but more often than not, i tend to wait. It has something to do with my approach of stabilising myself. I have always been perceived and i guess i am a very restless person who gives up very fast. One of those desires to convert my weakness into a strength I have been working on this restlessness, the urge to give up and move on. I believe that restlessness was the quest to find that something which gives me stability, in my thoughts and my life. Its been 11 years since i started experiencing this momementum in my thoughts, always racing and trying to find something in the dark. I wouldnt know what. Now i know better who i am and what do i want. I know where does my stability comes from. Quite weird though cause from where it comes , it is equally agile. Maybe i was looking for that one who could understand my thoughts momentum and balance me. Trial and error made me go through the phases of maturity and insanity , there was always a cycle. It started with a balance of insanity with maturity , then again insanity with fun , then consistent insanity fused with super maturity and now eventuallly insanity with another insanity. I feel sane here.
The wait continues and meanwhile each day i try to argue whether is the wait justifiable or not , i still wait.Belief and persistence is what i have acquired in this journey. Belief in the thoughts and persistence in not giving up over the wait. I remember of Paulo coelho's excerpt which goes this way :
"If pain must come, may it come quickly. As i have a life to live, and i need to live it in the best possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then i will either wait for him or forget him. waiting is painful. forgetting is painful. but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."
But eventually i still decide to wait knowing that for once i m sure about it.
Anyways apart from this serious wait ,I m sitting and wondering when would these exams get over and by when would my life resume back to normal ? This is again a wait but a different kind. I m so looking forward to the life therafter where i can once again start following my passion , dance my life to the glory, capture moments , travel backpacking and living life on the edge !!!
The thrill itself motivates me to pass these few days sooon.. :)
So the wait continues and meanwhile i decide to LIVE as happily and as joyfully as i can :)
Lately Me n waiting have got synonymous.
I wish i could get rid off this feeling but more often than not, i tend to wait. It has something to do with my approach of stabilising myself. I have always been perceived and i guess i am a very restless person who gives up very fast. One of those desires to convert my weakness into a strength I have been working on this restlessness, the urge to give up and move on. I believe that restlessness was the quest to find that something which gives me stability, in my thoughts and my life. Its been 11 years since i started experiencing this momementum in my thoughts, always racing and trying to find something in the dark. I wouldnt know what. Now i know better who i am and what do i want. I know where does my stability comes from. Quite weird though cause from where it comes , it is equally agile. Maybe i was looking for that one who could understand my thoughts momentum and balance me. Trial and error made me go through the phases of maturity and insanity , there was always a cycle. It started with a balance of insanity with maturity , then again insanity with fun , then consistent insanity fused with super maturity and now eventuallly insanity with another insanity. I feel sane here.
The wait continues and meanwhile each day i try to argue whether is the wait justifiable or not , i still wait.Belief and persistence is what i have acquired in this journey. Belief in the thoughts and persistence in not giving up over the wait. I remember of Paulo coelho's excerpt which goes this way :
"If pain must come, may it come quickly. As i have a life to live, and i need to live it in the best possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then i will either wait for him or forget him. waiting is painful. forgetting is painful. but not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering."
But eventually i still decide to wait knowing that for once i m sure about it.
Anyways apart from this serious wait ,I m sitting and wondering when would these exams get over and by when would my life resume back to normal ? This is again a wait but a different kind. I m so looking forward to the life therafter where i can once again start following my passion , dance my life to the glory, capture moments , travel backpacking and living life on the edge !!!
The thrill itself motivates me to pass these few days sooon.. :)
So the wait continues and meanwhile i decide to LIVE as happily and as joyfully as i can :)
Monday, July 11, 2011
Choice
As i sit here thinking of wot to jot down, my mind drifts between the choices. The sheer bombardment of choices that are thrown in our faces from the mundane stuff in life to the most important issues. When i wake up in the morning , i have a choice of what kind of tooth paste do i use, pepsodent (germicheck) or colgate ( brand since childhood )to a choice of shower gel : Body shop wild passion or vanilla to whether i wd wanna drink tea / coffee , go to work by auto or get me dropped ...
Its been quite some time since i have been doing this introspection n i have realised the more choices we get, the more confused, impatient,unfaithful we get...Is it the choices that I m bothered with ? In a way i m glad that i have so many options to choose from. Confused or selective - I would now prefer to use the word selective for myself. I took about 2 months between the 1st draft and the remainder to sort out this. I am like a free spirit who needs variety in the most basic things of life also. Variety brings the spice in life - now I know. I dont have particular favourites in any areas, be it products, fashion, movies, songs, people, seasons... I love them all, depending on my mood that day :)
Seasons reminds me, its raining outside so beautifully.. earth is longing to be drenched in the rains from the sky , its like sky is spreading its arms and loving the earth . earth knows no limits and starts dancing through its greens , everything becomes happy , sparkling clean and blissfully beautiful. Its my favorite season. I guess again.. Rains, lush greens,music, tea in the balcony, corn on the streets, gazing at the water bodies, dancing and splashing water in puddles ... Running through water. Crazinessss gets into me. I get happy for no reason, just watching a bright yellow flower dancing on the green trees makes me go gaga :)
But yet again i have the same fancy for winters and summers toooo. Winters bring with them the much sought after pleasant climate in the much heated city of Ahmedabad. Starts the much awaited months of some amazing theatre plays at Natrani, rock concerts , coffeess at open cafes, holidays , weddings, NRI friends visits, parties , colorful sweaters and shawls, pav bhaji, gajar ka halwa ...ummmm yum yum , everything hot in cold weather , food, drinks n maybe a winter fling > ? ( Unlike western countries where Summer romances are awaited , here winters is the best season to meet new people, how ? Frens n their frens n their frens ...Dont get the brain racing , i m yet to explore that !!)
Lets forget the spring cuz we dont really experience that but summer , sweet summer comes with the scents of mango , sugarcane juice,colorful golas, again vacations, Movie time, :) I just realised i think i get lot of pleasure from food, season ,parties and people.. Very human, aint it ? :P
The blog is aptly named choice when i read from top to bottom, choice of following one topic or writing randomly, anything which comes to my mind .. And thats what i did, again followed my 2 voices in the head :)))
Its been quite some time since i have been doing this introspection n i have realised the more choices we get, the more confused, impatient,unfaithful we get...Is it the choices that I m bothered with ? In a way i m glad that i have so many options to choose from. Confused or selective - I would now prefer to use the word selective for myself. I took about 2 months between the 1st draft and the remainder to sort out this. I am like a free spirit who needs variety in the most basic things of life also. Variety brings the spice in life - now I know. I dont have particular favourites in any areas, be it products, fashion, movies, songs, people, seasons... I love them all, depending on my mood that day :)
Seasons reminds me, its raining outside so beautifully.. earth is longing to be drenched in the rains from the sky , its like sky is spreading its arms and loving the earth . earth knows no limits and starts dancing through its greens , everything becomes happy , sparkling clean and blissfully beautiful. Its my favorite season. I guess again.. Rains, lush greens,music, tea in the balcony, corn on the streets, gazing at the water bodies, dancing and splashing water in puddles ... Running through water. Crazinessss gets into me. I get happy for no reason, just watching a bright yellow flower dancing on the green trees makes me go gaga :)
But yet again i have the same fancy for winters and summers toooo. Winters bring with them the much sought after pleasant climate in the much heated city of Ahmedabad. Starts the much awaited months of some amazing theatre plays at Natrani, rock concerts , coffeess at open cafes, holidays , weddings, NRI friends visits, parties , colorful sweaters and shawls, pav bhaji, gajar ka halwa ...ummmm yum yum , everything hot in cold weather , food, drinks n maybe a winter fling > ? ( Unlike western countries where Summer romances are awaited , here winters is the best season to meet new people, how ? Frens n their frens n their frens ...Dont get the brain racing , i m yet to explore that !!)
Lets forget the spring cuz we dont really experience that but summer , sweet summer comes with the scents of mango , sugarcane juice,colorful golas, again vacations, Movie time, :) I just realised i think i get lot of pleasure from food, season ,parties and people.. Very human, aint it ? :P
The blog is aptly named choice when i read from top to bottom, choice of following one topic or writing randomly, anything which comes to my mind .. And thats what i did, again followed my 2 voices in the head :)))
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